Cocktails for Everyone
by TheCritter
Summary: Andie Offdensen thought it was bad her house burned down, she thought it was horrible when CNN saw her panties, but she had no clue what was coming to her moving in with Dethklok. Open Oc


A/N: This story has been sitting on the backburner of my hard-drive for quite some time now. I'm not sure if it will be updated frequently, I guess that just depends on how much you guys comment. Oh an this is an OPEN oc story, so my good ole' Andie could end up with anyone (or everyone) so let me know who you want to see her with. (boo your whore)

I don't own Dethklok or any of its associates, just Andie and Buck.

You know those mornings when you wake up and nothing is as you had it the night before. My life was pretty much the lump sum of that. Every morning was a new experience, bright and colorful, like a clown just puked out an acid trip. Never a dull moment, there was always something that needed done. Be it French lessons, Pilates because someone said I was too fat over my pastry binge, or even when long lost relatives came to visit me and they brought their twelve yappy ankle-biters all named after famous presidents.

Or it could be when a crazy ex-boyfriend decides to toss a Molotov cocktail through your window at five a.m.

Never the less here I was, almost buck-naked in my tight little _Victoria's Secret _red panties and an oversized grey t-shirt watching my beloved penthouse go up in flames. I had long ago dabbed the last of my tears, and had settled into watching the hunky firefighters extinguish my living room beside my golden retriever Buck, who had escape with me with only a few singed whiskers and sooty paws. He stared up at me with those big gooey golden eyes that you just can't help but melt before and placed one of his horribly dirty, wet, huge paws on my bare, cold, pale thigh. If nothing else, he was telling me he was there for me.

About this time you're probably wondering who this disembodied voice is that is suddenly telling you her life story. Well here are some nice introductions, you already know my doggie; Buck, my name however might jog your memory.

My name is Andromeda Diana Offdensen. Otherwise known as Andie.

Now I'm not the only one standing out here in the freezing cold parking lot as my house rages away. A few of my neighbors, mostly old rich folks, are milling about after being evacuated for their safety. Old Mr. Umberhine is checking out my silky panties and is making me feel more defeated than what I can really handle right now.

But back to that rather interesting name tacked onto the end of mine. You read it right, its Offdensen, no there is no depressing story about me being adopted and being a child prodigy, or about being the black sheep and not being talked about. It's simply Offdensen ways to not talk about one's family unless necessary. We're private and we like it that way.

It's not that my brother and I don't talk, we do, occasionally. It's just that we have separate lives; I like to live it up in a stylish little penthouse that is currently smoldering while I design clothes and do occasional photo shoots and he manages Dethklok. You see we don't have a lot in common, plus I'm almost eight years younger than he is. This doesn't leave us to have a lot of hobbies together.

Therefore, it should be no surprise that I haven't seen him in close to a year. Of course that all changed tonight, I didn't have a home and he was the closest relative I knew that would take me in. I had scratched up some of that cold and hard Offdensen demeanor when I'd called him to break the news. Sadly, that hadn't lasted through the police questioning and I'd broken down in front of the Dunkin Doughnuts mascot.

I guess no one can withstand a sobbing fashion designer because he let me have one of his glazed donuts after I call Charles. I had informed him my brother would send someone to me shortly; my brother worked in mysterious ways because wherever he was, it was six o'clock.

Needless to say, Buck and I scooted into a cute little black Mercedes; much like the one, that I had that had just blown up into shrapnel, and were taken to a private jet. I tried to ask one of the men that had driven me if I could borrow a pair of pants. He told me rather objectively that he had no such thing on his person and that they were on a tight schedule to meet the private jet that would take me to the Dethklok homestead.

I figured he wanted to see my panties.

Luckily, the flight attendant was a bit more helpful; she gave me a blanket and a pillow, Egyptian cotton nonetheless, and told me if I needed anything to let her know. I said about the pants and she smiled but said she didn't have any.

I figured she was a lesbian.

The flight took a total of five hours, long enough to see all the news coverage about my home burning down and the lovely shot of my panties the camera crew had gotten. I was a little upset over that, threw my pillow across the plane, and threw a silent tantrum. Buck puked once after liftoff but he seemed fine once we were in the air. Apparently, he saw my panties enough for them not to be very impressive anymore.

It was a half hour before touchdown when the screen in front of me changed from some sort of paid programming to the face of good ole' Charlie. He looked stressed and I don't really think I could blame him.

"I'm sorry I've taken so long to contact you, we're in Argentina right now. We'll be home tomorrow. Are you sure you're ok?"

Nobody like Charles got right to the point.

"I'm ok, and so is Buck. We're shook up a bit but we'll survive. Oh and nobody's got a pair of pants and I seem to be missing mine."

One of his straight business eyebrows went up in speculation. "Oh?"

"Don't you 'oh' me mister. Just check the news, my ass is all over it."

"You really shouldn't use such language Andromeda, what would mother say?"

"Who the fuck cares, find me some pants."

I wasn't making his life much easier and I kind of felt bad, until I realized he had pants and I didn't. He pinched the skin between his eyes and sighed.

"I'll have clothes there at the house for you, I assume you can call your bank and get a new card right?" he said.

"Thanks bro," I said. Way to give to the needy you stingy old man.

He sighed again and ran a hand back through his neat brown hair, I had lighter hair, and had dyed the under belly blues and greens. I was pretending to be rebellious, but now that my butt was all over CNN, I thought I was doing a bit better than first intended.

"It's nice to see you again Andie," Charles said softly, "I was genuinely worried when you called. You never call."

"It's nice to see you again too Charlie, and I do so call, it's just that I never seem to have the right number."

"I have to change it from time to time. The boys tend to give it out when their drunk and I get too many voicemails from hookers and the like."

The boys…

I had almost forgot, Dethklok, Charles pride and joy. Biggest metal band anywhere. And not to mention they could make the insides of my thighs sweat.

"Omigod! You can't let them see the news of me Charles!" I shouted as I lunged at the screen, the soft cream blanket pooling around my ankles. "You can't let them see me in my underwear! What will they think?"

Charles raised a hand in front of his eyes to preserve my nonexistent chastity as he answered. "I'm taking care of that now, but I do intend for you to reimburse me for my efforts."

He meant pay him back for the bribes he was giving out to get my ass off the airwaves.

"Oh fuck you Charles, my ass looks great. I've don't Pilates for a whole week straight!" I said with a glare, even though I'm sure that one doughnut I had added five pounds. "Who the hell cares if my cheeks are on NBC?"

I cared but like hell was I going to let him know that.

"Would you please sit back down and pull your blanket up?" he asked, ever patient was Charles.

I did as asked, this time. "So, you and the band will be back…tomorrow?"

"Yes, I trust you can take care of yourself until then?" he asked, giving me the stink eye. I gave my best smile, thankful I brushed my teeth before going to bed.

"Of course Charlie, what could go wrong?"

"If you let your dog into my office I will be extremely unhappy with you," he said, his tone warning, but his posture stoic.

Buck always knew when someone was talking about him so he raised his head and gave his muscle bound tail of doom a good couple thunks on the floor. "See he said he'll be good."

Charles didn't buy that but he didn't have much choice, I was his baby sister and heaven forbid something happen to me. He looked off screen for a moment and did some colorful wording.

"Now, now Charlie, what would momma think?" I chastised. He rolled his eyes.

"I have to go, something about a potential pizza mix up and I think Skwisgaar invited too many people. I'll see you tomorrow, take care."

I gave him one last smile and a wave, "See you Charlie!" Buck gave a small woof. The screen went back to selling vacuum cleaners and the pilot said we were just about to land in the docking zone of Morhaus.

For the first time since I boarded I looked out the window. Down below, amid sharp pointy thingies and red glowing lights, was the home of the notorious; Dethklok.


End file.
